Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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