I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
