He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize