Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
