She's JV to your varsity
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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