Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
