so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
