You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
