you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
