thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
