He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Randomize
