wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
