my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
