yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
