Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
