just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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