To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
