I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
