I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
