I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
