he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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