my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
