do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
