my mouth tastes like poor choices
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
