I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
bring money and cleavage
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
