You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
