I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
