Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I didn't notice because vodka
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
