remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
