Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
how does that bad decision feel?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
