Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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