Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
