Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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