First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
