it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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