you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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