we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
