you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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