Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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