Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
