I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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