does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
