my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I love having hate sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
