and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
