Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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