I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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