i wish my penis had a tongue
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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