i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
