im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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