4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
