A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
