How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
