My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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