How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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