I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
