Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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