he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
