she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
