So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
