I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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