as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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