She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
