Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
