and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
