Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
