Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
