her vagine was all disorganized.
time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
